Friday 12 October 2012

Editing Excercise

It was the hurricane I seen on TV and, I automatically knew I wanted to help.
It was the hurricane I saw on TV, and I automatically knew I wanted to help.
I was never so scared in my life. everything went silent, then i started dropping. 
I was never so scared in all of my life. Everything went silent and then I started dropping.
The only thing I disliked about this review is she went it to great detail about the movie. 
The only thing I disliked about this review was that she went into great detail about the movie.
We grabbed the ball off the face off and went down to their side of the quart , I was just outside the 3 point line when I looked up at the score clock and seen there was one second left I took the shot.
          We grabbed the ball at face off and went down to their side of the court, I was just outside of the three point line when I looked up at the score clock and saw there was one second left, I took the shot.
As I cooked my bacon and fried my eggs I knew I was going to have an excellent day.
          As I cooked my bacon and fried my eggs, I knew I was going to have an excellent day.
The most valuable player of the team is Josh, he wants to be just like Michael Jordan and all the other popular basketball players. 
          The most valuable player on the team is Josh; he wants to be just like Michael Jordan and all of the other popular basketball players.
I looked and seen Ty and Mark waving.
          I looked and saw Ty and Mark waving.
The monster let's out a deafening thunder of a roar, hissing and snapping at my Shane.
The monster let out a deafening thunder of a roar, hissing and snapping at my Shane.
Tick...Tick...Tick, its all coming back.
          Tick… Tick… Tick, it’s all coming back.

the year was 1964, I was just a young boy going to the new train station going to work for my uncle.
The year was 1964; I was just a young boy going to the new strain station to work for my uncle.
They should not have been more than half an hour and by the time seven o’clock hit, we knew something was terribly wrong.
          They shouldn’t have been more than half an hour, by the time seven o’clock hit, that was when we knew something was terribly wrong.
The only thing we had to eat was the rotten leftovers of my riders supper from the night before.  
          The only thing we had to eat was the rotten leftovers from my rider’s supper from the night before.
I heard a crash in the woods the brush was rustling and the trees cracking.
          I heard a crash in the woods, the brush was rustling and the trees were cracking.
...and yet it has already set out on it’s long journey, in search of where he belongs in this world.
          And yet it has already set out on its long journey, in search of where it belongs in this world.
Soon I meet up with the only person who’s time I enjoy, my dearest friend Rory, her hair is so short you can barely run your hands through it, but it suits her.
          Soon I meet up with the only person whose time I enjoy, my dearest friend Rory. Her hair is so short you can barely run your hands through it, but it suits her.
I often travel, I run a blog about visiting un-mapped places. 
          I often travel; I run a blog about visiting un-mapped places.
As we put our winter clothing on to head out. I can almost smell the turkey dinner waiting on the dining room table. 
          As we put our winter clothing on to head out, I can almost smell the turkey dinner waiting on the dining room table.
 I usually don’t agree to go into town because of the fact of how the people.
          I usually don’t agree to go into town because of the fact of how the people stare.

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